Something... Something...

Here I am again. Starting a blog. Again. I have as of yet no idea where this is going to lead me or whether or not it will go anywhere at all. We shall see.

For now, this is entirely personal. Something for me and maybe some of my closer friends. Something... I don't know quite what exactly... but something selfish. Something, maybe, hopefully, creative too. Something confusing as well. Something random.  Something... Some piece.. of me.

Something where I can be free. Or will try to be anyway. Something unrestricted by necessity, obligation or responsibility hopefully. I am all too quick to burden myself with such things. Feelings of obligation to post, necessity to edit my words, responsibility to update regularly... No more do I want to be chained. I want to have fun. Blogging should be fun, not annoying. Something I want to do, not something I have to.

It will not be easy. I am all too easily tempted, I admit, to try to write what I think other people would want to read instead of what I really want to write about. Or downplay my opinions because I am worried someone might take it the wrong way. Or worry that the way I phrase things might reflect badly on my personality.

It shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't fear to make mistakes, or say something a bit weird or strongly opinionated.  The people who love me and understand who I am won't get angry at me just because I happen to say something strange and these people are the only ones who matter, so there really is no reason to be afraid. Besides, I am very aware of the fallibility of my mind or maybe rather of the fact that there are a lot of things that I simply know nothing about and I am all too happy to be proven wrong.

Time... Time is an issue too. It takes me a long time to write something, simply because I can't help being a perfectionist and trying to find the best way to express what I want to say. And I think the fact that English isn't my first language and I have to rewrite a lot several times before it "sounds" halfway right doesn't make things any quicker either. And to put it frankly: Most of the time I simply can't be arsed to sit down for 2 hours and write. This post for example, it's already taken me at least an hour to write. Yes, I am that slow. Shocking, isn't it?

So we will see where this "Something" will end up. I hope it's someplace good. :) Preferably not on the "forgotten and forsaken" shelf. That's such a sad place to be.

Piece out,
Jill