But I have no time what so ever for anything else. I can't even go shopping because the food turns bad in my fridge without me touching it once.
I eat, sleep, breathe and live classical animation and everything that has to do with it. There is no room for anything else. Except my sweetheart of course but even he has trouble getting a hold of me in a fully awake and unrushed state. During the week I am at VFS from 9 am to 11pm, sometimes later. On weekends I sleep in but I'm at School on average 10 - 12 hours still, even if I get there at 2pm.
I don't have time to cook, I don't have time to go on walks or take a bike ride, I don't have time to blog or facebook or skype or even READ (OMG) anything that doesn't have to do with school. I haven't managed to take out the trash in 2 weeks, but i haven't put anything in it since either. I draw everyday, all day, think about the next assignment, plan, thumbnail, animate, sketch, design, dope, line test, animate again, chart, take notes, read notes, eat, sleep, animate again, have a cigarette with some classmates, go back and do composition or perspective or inbetweening or some other assignment after class while we have an animated movie on (yes we're that awesome). Sounds intense? well it is. And I have never, ever been happier in my life. Well.. Josh is missing but leaving love out of the picture, I have never, EVER felt so fulfilled. It's stressful, yes, I have no time for myself, yes, I want to cut my beautiful long hair because it's a pain and impractical at school, yes, but... IT. IS. SO. WORTH IT.
Please, if anybody, anybody at all is reading this, please, please hear me and read on:
Go out there, wherever "out there" is for you, and
FIND THE THING YOU LOVE TO DO MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
That is the hard part. Honestly. The rest is easy compared to this.
And then, when you've found it, and it may take you a long time, maybe half a lifetime even, it does not matter, believe me, it does not matter, but when you've found the thing you love, when you finally know, without a shadow of a doubt, when you feel it in you heart that "this is what I was born to do" then for heavens sake
GO AND FUCKING DO IT. IMMEDIATELY.
Do not listen to anything anybody says (and this is hard too but not as hard as finding the "thing" in the first place), do not listen to your parents, your teachers, your colleagues, your friends, your lover, anybody who says "don't do it" or "that is worthless" or "you'll never make it" or "this is so weird/stupid/childish/impossible/insert random negative adjective". Do not wait, do not be scared, jump off the cliff and
JUST. DO IT. Please, I beg you!
And if you have to move to the other side of the world and leave everything, everyone behind to do it (I had to), it does not matter. The people who really believe in you, the people who really care about you, even if they are sceptical at first, they will support you in the end, when they see how happy you are.
And boy will you be happy. "Happy" doesn't even cover it. "Ecstatic, in love with life, euphoric" is a bit more like it.
Everyone should have the chance to feel this way. It breaks my heart to think some people have to go through life sacrificing their dreams for various reasons.
DON'T LET YOURSELF BE STOPPED. BY NOTHING AND NOBODY.
Not by lack of money, not by circumstances, not by unsupportive parents or friends, not even by love. Especially not by love. Because I think (and this is a personal opinion, you may take it as you wish) that someone who really, truly loves you unselfishly, no matter where you are or what you do or how much money you have, someone like that understands. And they will be happy for and with you. They will support you and help you emotionally. They will keep you going and cheer you up when you're down and get a kick out of it on the way, no matter how much they miss you, believe it or not. And if they are and do not, if they ask you to stay, to sacrifice your dream for them, worse, if they are mocking you for it, ridiculing whatever it is you dream about, then they are immature, selfish and possibly even jealous and will make you unhappy some day soon, whether you stay for them or not.
right.. I'm kinda sorry (not really) for this outburst, I had something completely different in mind for this blog entry hahaha but as you can probably tell, I feel pretty strongly about this.
I have only been at VFS for 3 little weeks, and there will be times when I will doubt, I'm sure, and there will be times when I'll be exhausted and frustrated, of course, but I already know, with a certainty I have never possessed about anything in my life, that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be and that I will be doing this for the rest of my life ("this" being classical animation or anything that is related to it).
And that certainty, that knowledge is exhilarating and extremely calming at the same time.
Exhilarating because I've never had this much fun and I am extremely excited about the myriad of things I have yet to learn, discover and experience; and calming because suddenly, time is not an issue anymore. I'm not in a hurry anymore. It does not matter "when" and to a certain extent even "if" I will reach my current "big dreams" because I've found the one thing I love doing so much that I don't mind working for 15 hours straight and I don't care so much anymore where I will end up doing that thing, as long as I can do it. Of course I'm still ambitious, I want to be the best I can possibly be, I want to work with "the best", a decent amount of money wouldn't be bad either but the pressure of "I have to be successful and fast aaahhh!!" has completely vanished. And that is such an extreme relief, it is hard to describe how it feels.
So I wish for everyone to somehow, someday in their lives find something that fulfils them this way, whether it's a job, a hobby, an activity, an oddity, a calling, whatever. The possibilities are endless.
But please, please, please, I can't say this often enough, please
FIND SOMETHING YOU LOVE AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Piece, love, and a lot of luck for this epic quest I wish and send out to everyone and everything the Universe ;D <3
And because it fits somehow to the whole find you happiness theme, here is a little something my grandfather told me which stuck with me and which I will probably never forget for as long as I live:
"LOVE IT. IF YOU DON'T LOVE IT, CHANGE IT, IF YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT, LEAVE IT."
xxx
Jill
PS: next time (if I get the chance hahaha) I'll put some of the work we've done so far up ;)
